Hopefully the above details contribute to a few concrete aspects of what to expect, as well as what to do with the ashes once you have them home. When caring for her dad, who suffered from dementia and COPD, Jerri struggled with the negative side effects of his illness. She developed positive outlets to express herself and recover from her loss. Today as a certified Grief Recovery Specialist and Celebrant, she uses her skills to help people who are in the midst of their own personal story of grief and loss.
My mother passed away January 10, We chose to place her ashes directly into the ground without a container, so her cremains were inside of a bag, placed inside of a cardboard box. I waited to bury her remains until my brother and niece could come back from Indiana a few months later. We did so, privately at the High Springs cemetery just below her headstone, next to my beloved father. I gave a keepsake urn to each, my brother and niece, and kept one for myself. Finally laid to rest, I had some peace.
That peace was completely shattered a few months later when my brother called me about the keepsakes.
It appears that my curious teenage niece decided to check out her keepsake, unscrewed the lid in order to take a peek, and to her and our shock and dismay, she reported that the urn was empty. My brother and I checked ours, and they are empty as well. There are no words to describe the anguish, horror, and the deep depression that I experienced. I am in tears now, trying to write about it after three years. What can be done now? Even if we buried them in an urn, digging her up seems crass and tasteless.
Were we supposed to fill the keepsakes ourselves?
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- How Cremation Works.
Though I had several months before we buried her ashes, I would not in one billion-plus years have thought to open a sacred urn to take a little peek at what was left of my mother. March 26, , same funeral home. That would be sick and heartless. What were we supposed to do — sit around the family dining table, pass her around, take a scoop, and fill our own urn?
What if we spill a little? Just vacuum her up?
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I am heartbroken and deeply sickened. The thought of heartlessly expecting the family to handle these keepsake urns is disturbing. So hard, his presence is no longer solid, he no longer shares my oxygen, his scent is no longer present. Want it faster? Call This item is printed on demand. Seller Inventory x Items related to So You're Cremated. Jesse Kalfel So You're Cremated. Jesse Kalfel. Publisher: iUniverse , This specific ISBN edition is currently not available.
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Moral & Legal Disposition of Cremated Remains | Funeral Information
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New Quantity Available: 5. Published by iUniverse. New Quantity Available: The funeral home was on the way home, after all. Ellen Herman, who sells digital advertising in Los Angeles, is in a similar situation. About nine years ago, her parents died about a year apart and were cremated. She went to a mausoleum in Florida, where her parents lived before they died, to see if there was a place she could put them in a drawer and honor them with some nice words. Actually, in my bedroom!
Some of their ashes were scattered in various places, individually and combined, and her dad's brother has a bit of her dad, but the bulk are in the box in her house. Sometimes, instead of burying people in the ground, we bury them among our stuff. We lose them among the emotionally charged paraphernalia of our lives.
It is just too hard. We come from the Earth, we return to the Earth. That may be true, but the way we return to the Earth matters on more than an emotional level. As cremation continues to replace burial as a go-to way of dealing with the dead, the emissions that come along with this process are becoming a serious worry—so much so that people are starting to consider some wild-sounding alternatives for disposing of human remains.
There is now a water-based process called alkaline hydrolysis, which is being marketed as a more environmentally friendly postmortem option because it produces less carbon monoxide and pollution. Alkaline hydrolysis involves placing a body in a chamber that is then filled with water and potassium hydroxide and heated to about degrees F at high pressure. After three hours, the body becomes a green-brown tinted liquid and bones are soft enough to be crushed.
The bones can be returned to the family, while the liquid can be sent into the sewer system. When farmers in Europe had to put down herds of cattle infected by mad cow disease, their initial answer was to dig trenches, pour gasoline, and set the animal carcasses on fire.
Everything you need to know about burial, cremation, and other post-death matters in Colorado.
When alkaline hydrolysis was introduced in the s, manufacturers made stainless steel vats about 20 feet across into which the carcasses could be thrown. In the years since them, some companies have proposed alkaline hydrolysis as a more environmentally friendly solution for human remains. Perhaps unsurprisingly, this process has not taken off as a popular post-mortem solution for people. There are legal issues, too, because the process is prohibited unless a state passes legislation specifically allowing for it.
I understand that. But my thought is, with embalming, the fluids from your mother are being put in the sewer system as well. In the movies, characters are always scattering the ashes of a loved one over the side of a boat or off the top of a mountain. In reality, cremation rarely ends that way. The Cremation Association of North America estimates that 60 to 80 percent of cremated remains go home with people who intend to place them in a cemetery or scatter them at a future date.
But while that may be their intent, scattering is not as popular as people think. There are actually laws dictating where ashes can be spread. He lost his wife tragically when she was 57, and he visits her grave frequently and finds comfort in just seeing her name. As I leave Rosehill cemetery, I decide to stop by the grave of my friend, David, who grew up in Harlem and was dealt a bad set of cards.
His mother was an alcoholic. His father had left. And while he had a mother and grandparents, he still wound up in the child welfare services system.
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He was sent to a city-funded boarding school outside New York and managed to graduate with a football scholarship to the State University of New York at Cortland, but he lasted just one semester before landing back in Harlem. And like something out of a bad movie, he met a girl, was introduced to crack cocaine, lost his job, wound up with HIV and ultimately developed kidney issues that landed him on dialysis for well over a decade. He was on the kidney donor list and was near the top when he died of heart failure in I decided to visit his grave. I followed the directions I was given, to Section 48, Row 24, Grave It was a large cemetery, but when I finally found the section, it was easy to find the grave.
I was surprised to see nothing marking the spot where he was buried. The lack of fanfare for my friend seemed unfair. We need that physical marker, a headstone, a bench, an urn, to show that the person existed, that they once walked this Earth. I went to my car and found a trophy my son had found in the garbage and thrown on the floor of the back seat. It was a football player. I then left a pebble, as people sometimes do, and walked back to my car. Type keyword s to search. By Caren Chesler. Get PM's Newsletter. The doors at the back of the Rose Room. Caren Chesler Getty Images.
The Nimtala Burning Ghat Funeral rites is the oldest and the most famous cremation ground of Kolkata.